I've been here a couple times since the last dated post but obviously not successful in adding anything. I spent hours writing the story about the really cool "sign" I got from Hannah only to get interrupted then the autosave decided to crap out on me so only part of the story was posted. That was no good so I deleted it and will save it for another day.

Right now I have a nasty head cold with so much snot in my head I think my eyes are going to pop out of their sockets. I've been taking cold meds that I think aren't working anymore, been sucking on Halls and even bought some Vicks VapoRub to help me breathe and none of them can seem to break through the concrete wall of snot. I guess tonight I'll just sit and suffer until it's late enough to take the Nyquil! Waah waah piss moan I know...

Finally talked to Zach the other day. All kinds of issues with his Lupus going on. Seems his chemo treatments didn't go as well as hoped and giving him more of the same will compromise his bone marrow - not good! Now his Dr is consulting with another Dr about treatment using a drug called Rituximab or Rituxin. I read as much as I could find on it to find that it has some very scary side affects and of course needs more time and testing to see how long the treatment lasts and what the long term affects are. In the mean time, it may be what he needs to put him into remission. Added to that his dr's now want him to go see a head dr. Apparently Zach is experiencing some sort of neurological problems possibly due to the prednisone. I mean seriously enough is enough! It's hard not to overstress about it but he's my surviving child and I want him around for a very long time. Whoever came up with the adage "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" can go sit and rotate. I think that once you've suffered the loss of one child then the rest of your life should be one big "Get Out of Jail Free" card. 

I'm hoping this cold eases up by the weekend, I'm supposed to babysit my 3 y/o niece Mikayla. The last thing I want to do is give her this cold. Well, stay tuned dear friends and remember, this is just my humble opinion!

Peace!

Brush with Fame

Here's me and M with Jonathan and andy Hillstrand, captains of the Time Bandit on Deadliest Catch, my reason for buying my HD tv. an incredibly awesome show!

playing around

there is so much to learn about this blogging stuff!! Tonight I added a graphic to the header and a few other goodies to the sidebar. I wonder, is designing a blog ever finished? Hmmm...doubtful.

I won' be posting tomorrow because I have a Compassionae Friends meeting. This will be interesting as neither of our facilitators will be there and, unless someone else steps in, I'm going to attempt to run the meeting.

Oh, and before I forget...Thank you Mr Obama for lifting the ban on stem cell research. I have a 23 y/o son that was diagnosed with SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythmatosus) 2 years ago and is hopefully at the end of his chemo treatments. There's not a lot known about lupus in men as it's more common in women. Hopefully a cure will be found soon.

Goodnight dear friends, be gentle to yourselves

Work was very slow today leaving too much time for my mind to wander. The weather is cold and gray with the off chance of a freezing snowstorm. Sounds lovely eh? I don't like days like this because they usually make me feel a bit more depressed than normal. As usual my thoughts turn to Hannah, how much I miss her, and how much life has changed since she died. Unless you have suffered the loss of a child, one can only imagine ( if their imagination will let them), the horror of it all. When people say to me "I can't imagine how horrible it is", I say, "you're right,  you can't and you don't want to know".

The other day I was talking to my friend E. Her son died in a motorcycle accident nine months after I lost my Hannah. Without going into too much detail she is going through a very painful tumultuous time with one of her daughters. I on the other hand, had also hit a rough patch after my son landed in the hospital again due to a really nasty flare-up due to his Lupus.  We commiserated on the phone about how difficult it is to find any inner peace or any form of normalcy since our children died and I posed the question "What if this is as good as it gets?"  At my support group, The Compassionate Friends (http://www.compassionatefriends.org/), we talk about shadow grief and how it will always be with us no matter how much joy and happiness are are able to find on our grief journey. I have, in rare moments, felt great joy since Hannah's death but I always think to myself, it would've been so much better if Hannah were here. Ah I miss that girl...

I just looked outside, the snow is starting to come down really hard with the wind blowing wildly. Maybe we will get the blizzard that was predicted, I don't have much faith in weather forecasters, it's all a crapshoot in my humble opinion!

  

I'm back! M is a fantastic cook so I just finished stuffing my overstuffed belly. Looks like I have a lot of work to do on this blog, should be interesting as I have NO IDEA what i'm doing, but I think this will be it for tonight. The eyes are getting tired and tomorrows workday will soon be here. Oh... wait.... I think I here the couch calling my name!  Goodnight all! 

Peace,

kim

Took the plunge

Hi friends!

This is my lame attempt of what I hope, at some point, will be an interesting blog. My Honeybunch, from here forward to be known as M, just asked me why I created one (insert the "you must be crazy face"). My answer was "because I wanted to." At my age, darn close to 50, I figure I'm old enough to make my own decisions.  Also, as I'll get into later, with what I've survived in my life, I suppose I figure I'm entitled to do what I want as long as no laws are broken and nobody gets hurt.