Hi all,

I've been working on my Facebook page and hope you will look me up there. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=100000554770986

In the coming year I hope to keep my blog more up to date and add more pictures. I like to make personalized candles for my Compassionate Friends and learning how to make vinyl decals on my Cricut. I just got a Cricut Expression to hopefully expand my horizons in crafting. I love scrapbooking but think I'll concentrate more on cardmaking this year. as you can see by my blinkie I'm a huge Papertrey Ink fan. I also have some Gina K Designs goodies but I prefer clear stamps.

holy buckets!!!

Oh my it's been soooo long since I posted anything! I think I tried too hard the first 'bout and will try this blogging thing again. A lot has happened since my last post and hopefully will have time to spend time on this over the weekend.

Tomorrow Zach starts Rituxn therapy for his lupus, very scary stuff but hopefully will put him into a lengthy remission. Tomorrow I'm calling the bank to raid my cd for money to get his car fixed. One more thing he doesn't need to worry about and hopefully we'll soon have the phone issue taken care of soon too. Sure would be nice if his dad would show some concern and help out but getting him involved is too much work for little to no return. 

Next weekend I go to my first Cricut storm up in Pine City. I'm sure it'll be lots of fun but I'm already feeling a bit ambivalent. It's scary for me to put myself into a situation where I don't know anyone much less an overnighter. I've been reading the posts on the blog and am convinced it'll be great but, I don't think I'll ever escape the feeling of being "different" from them. I think I'll do what Cori does when asked how many kids she has. She says "I had two children" vs "I have two children" and see if anyone catches on.

hope you all had a good weekend? Here's to this work week going by fast! Peace! 

Yesterday we received a wedding invitation for the same weekend my mom is coming up. Luckily she stays with my older sister. I felt bad because we really should go to the wedding but I didn't want miss her visit. This morning I sent her an email explaining the wedding invite (doesn't anyone send out those "save this date" notes anymore?), and is she planning on coming up again this year? I asked if she'd come up the second sunday in December when my Compassionate Friends group participates in the World Wide Candle Lighting, it's a very special thing for me to honor Hannah's memory at Christmas time. Her answer is "I'll try, depends on my work schedule". It's freakin April! Isn't that enough notice to request that weekend to be your weekend off? Thanks mom, I love you too...

mortgage update: We backed out and decided to work on our credit for another year. Fine by me, the whole thing immediately stressed me out. I don't like feeling that overwhelmed.

I also decided that I need to make Zach's car payments since the loan shows to be in my name even though I only co-signed. With him being so ill with lupus I'll just take care of it and he won't need to worry about it., be a lot less stressful for me too. I really hate calling him about it anyway so....

well, best get back to reality and continue on with the dreaded housework. Talk to you all later!

 

Hi Everyone,

So much has happened since I last posted. Last time I talked to Zach said the Army was starting to put into motion his medical discharge…finally. It’ll take a while because the Army never does anything fast but I heard what I wanted to hear the most and that Was Zach saying he’d more than likely be coming home to Minnesota. It’s very hard to ham him that sick and so far away. It’s a mom thing, I want to be able to help him if/when he needs it, get some good food in his belly and pass along a well needed hug when the opportunity is there. Now I’m waiting to hear of the final decision regarding the treatment with Rituxin. It does make me feel good that he likes and trusts his Dr. There is a lot to be said for that. Don’t you hate Dr’s that ask if you have any questions while holding the door open with their foot for a quick escape? Grrrrr…..

Went to the zoo with Mike yesterday. I love spur of the moment outings like that. My ex never did anything like that much less understood the concept of spending time together. Finally got to see the Grizzly Coast, visited Discovery Bay and saw my first 3D movie at the Imax heater. It was an underwater movie and was it awesome!!! We got to wear the goofy glasses and was sure I could reach out and grab some of the creatures. I have to admit I didn’t like the sea snakes in my face! Ish!!!!

A couple weekends ago we went down to Wabasha to see the Eagle Migration. Such beautiful creatures! We got to see them up close and personal and saw them sitting in trees on the other side of the river. We ate at Slippery’s, the bar featured in both Grumpy Old Men movies and had a phenomenal lunch. They make a side dish called Slippery’s potatoes that are out of this world. Cut up red potatoes, fried in olive oil with onions, garlic, and oregano, wow were those tasty! We went over the bridge to the Wisconsin side of the bridge for yuks. An older couple got out of their Caravan type vehicle with an old golden retriever that was unleashed. The dog headed straight for the river and I jokingly commented how I thought the dog was looking to get in the water. The man replied that he was sure “Winston” would love to but they weren’t going to let him as they yelled at the dog to come back to where they were standing. The man kept yelling “no Winston no” as the dog very happily jumped into the water and had a swim. Mike and I laughed as we watched them put a soaking wet dog into their vehicle. Nothing like the smell of wet dog for the ride home!

Tomorrow is Monday and back to work. (Fat cat Ralph is bugging me to get pet while I’m trying to type). I hate hoe weekends fly by in the blink of an eye and weekdays drag on forever. Apparently the powers that be want to build an office in the shipping room for Steve. I don’t begrudge him an office but I can’t imagine that this endeavor will be any less than a HUGE pain in the butt and a massive inconvenience for who knows how long.

Well, folks, that’s about it for now. Oh wait, I sent in an application to see if I’m eligible for a mortgage. I’m not expecting to get one but it’s worth a shot!

Take care all!

I've been here a couple times since the last dated post but obviously not successful in adding anything. I spent hours writing the story about the really cool "sign" I got from Hannah only to get interrupted then the autosave decided to crap out on me so only part of the story was posted. That was no good so I deleted it and will save it for another day.

Right now I have a nasty head cold with so much snot in my head I think my eyes are going to pop out of their sockets. I've been taking cold meds that I think aren't working anymore, been sucking on Halls and even bought some Vicks VapoRub to help me breathe and none of them can seem to break through the concrete wall of snot. I guess tonight I'll just sit and suffer until it's late enough to take the Nyquil! Waah waah piss moan I know...

Finally talked to Zach the other day. All kinds of issues with his Lupus going on. Seems his chemo treatments didn't go as well as hoped and giving him more of the same will compromise his bone marrow - not good! Now his Dr is consulting with another Dr about treatment using a drug called Rituximab or Rituxin. I read as much as I could find on it to find that it has some very scary side affects and of course needs more time and testing to see how long the treatment lasts and what the long term affects are. In the mean time, it may be what he needs to put him into remission. Added to that his dr's now want him to go see a head dr. Apparently Zach is experiencing some sort of neurological problems possibly due to the prednisone. I mean seriously enough is enough! It's hard not to overstress about it but he's my surviving child and I want him around for a very long time. Whoever came up with the adage "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" can go sit and rotate. I think that once you've suffered the loss of one child then the rest of your life should be one big "Get Out of Jail Free" card. 

I'm hoping this cold eases up by the weekend, I'm supposed to babysit my 3 y/o niece Mikayla. The last thing I want to do is give her this cold. Well, stay tuned dear friends and remember, this is just my humble opinion!

Peace!

Brush with Fame

Here's me and M with Jonathan and andy Hillstrand, captains of the Time Bandit on Deadliest Catch, my reason for buying my HD tv. an incredibly awesome show!

playing around

there is so much to learn about this blogging stuff!! Tonight I added a graphic to the header and a few other goodies to the sidebar. I wonder, is designing a blog ever finished? Hmmm...doubtful.

I won' be posting tomorrow because I have a Compassionae Friends meeting. This will be interesting as neither of our facilitators will be there and, unless someone else steps in, I'm going to attempt to run the meeting.

Oh, and before I forget...Thank you Mr Obama for lifting the ban on stem cell research. I have a 23 y/o son that was diagnosed with SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythmatosus) 2 years ago and is hopefully at the end of his chemo treatments. There's not a lot known about lupus in men as it's more common in women. Hopefully a cure will be found soon.

Goodnight dear friends, be gentle to yourselves

Work was very slow today leaving too much time for my mind to wander. The weather is cold and gray with the off chance of a freezing snowstorm. Sounds lovely eh? I don't like days like this because they usually make me feel a bit more depressed than normal. As usual my thoughts turn to Hannah, how much I miss her, and how much life has changed since she died. Unless you have suffered the loss of a child, one can only imagine ( if their imagination will let them), the horror of it all. When people say to me "I can't imagine how horrible it is", I say, "you're right,  you can't and you don't want to know".

The other day I was talking to my friend E. Her son died in a motorcycle accident nine months after I lost my Hannah. Without going into too much detail she is going through a very painful tumultuous time with one of her daughters. I on the other hand, had also hit a rough patch after my son landed in the hospital again due to a really nasty flare-up due to his Lupus.  We commiserated on the phone about how difficult it is to find any inner peace or any form of normalcy since our children died and I posed the question "What if this is as good as it gets?"  At my support group, The Compassionate Friends (http://www.compassionatefriends.org/), we talk about shadow grief and how it will always be with us no matter how much joy and happiness are are able to find on our grief journey. I have, in rare moments, felt great joy since Hannah's death but I always think to myself, it would've been so much better if Hannah were here. Ah I miss that girl...

I just looked outside, the snow is starting to come down really hard with the wind blowing wildly. Maybe we will get the blizzard that was predicted, I don't have much faith in weather forecasters, it's all a crapshoot in my humble opinion!

  

I'm back! M is a fantastic cook so I just finished stuffing my overstuffed belly. Looks like I have a lot of work to do on this blog, should be interesting as I have NO IDEA what i'm doing, but I think this will be it for tonight. The eyes are getting tired and tomorrows workday will soon be here. Oh... wait.... I think I here the couch calling my name!  Goodnight all! 

Peace,

kim

Took the plunge

Hi friends!

This is my lame attempt of what I hope, at some point, will be an interesting blog. My Honeybunch, from here forward to be known as M, just asked me why I created one (insert the "you must be crazy face"). My answer was "because I wanted to." At my age, darn close to 50, I figure I'm old enough to make my own decisions.  Also, as I'll get into later, with what I've survived in my life, I suppose I figure I'm entitled to do what I want as long as no laws are broken and nobody gets hurt.